This post is mostly for my cis Unitarian Universalist friends, as well as UU-adjacent folks who may be wondering why so many UUs shared pointed love for trans folks last weekend.
There was some hubbub during the Unitarian Universalist Association’s annual General Assembly about the discussion on a strongly worded business resolution that affirms trans, nonbinary, and intersex people (“Embracing Transgender, Nonbinary, and Intersex People Is a Fundamental Expression of UU Religious Values“).
I have some things to say about it.
Firstly, I want to be clear that this business resolution is fire. Unitarian Universalism is well known for its long-standing affirmation of LGBTQ people, and over the last two decades, the denomination has pointedly and increasingly expressed its explicit affirmation of trans people.
Three years ago, an Action of Immediate Witness (AIW) was passed, with 99% of the vote, that not only called on UUs to defend and advocate with trans, nonbinary, and intersex people in this moment of escalating anti-trans hate and legislation but also affirmed that living one’s identity in terms of gender identity/expression, sex characteristics, and affectional/sexual orientation is part of our free exercise of religion.
The business resolution that passed last weekend, with 92% of the vote, is an even bigger deal because as a business resolution it has more teeth and will help the highest levels of our denomination continue to take action in the public square for trans justice. It names that the ability to live ever-more authentically as one’s true self is central to a lifelong journey toward spiritual fulfillment. It names that supporting trans, nonbinary, intersex, and gender diverse people is a foundational obligation revealed by UU principles and values.
This is incredible, full stop. I would hazard a guess that it is the most powerful highest-level denominational statement of support of trans people any organized religion has made.
I also want to be clear that UUs are not known for agreeing on things. Any time our General Assembly votes higher than 90% “yes” on something, particularly a justice issue, it is very meaningful. (The same GA that voted 99% “yes” on the trans AIW voted only 77% “yes” on an AIW that called for action on a solid set of issues related to covid, including universal healthcare and mutual aid.)
So what happened last weekend? The discussion consisted of five people speaking in opposition to the resolution and five people speaking in favor. (Any delegate may get in line to speak for or against a proposal; UU congregations each get to send a certain number of lay and professional delegates to General Assembly.) The first of those opposed expressed “concern” about the explicit inclusion of trans youth in the resolution, and rattled off a series of typical talking points that anti-trans entities have been pushing to anyone who will listen, including legislators.
He spoke of gender dysphoria as a choice that young people are making, called their understanding of themselves into question, was ignorant about puberty blockers and hormones, and spent the bulk of his allotted time citing the problematic Cass Review, which has been denounced by a growing list of mainstream health organizations.
The second “con” speaker was actually in favor of the resolution but seemed to have gotten the false impression that it was calling trans children mentally ill, and didn’t want that.
The third and fourth speakers against the resolution claimed to not be opposed to its content but didn’t like the idea of singling out a particular group for affirmation. One also threw in an aside about having concerns related to medical research on “identity dysphoria” (not a thing) and the other said UUs are already doing a great job affirming trans folks and was afraid the resolution would force churches to siphon resources away from other worthy issues.
The final speaker opposed to the resolution said some weird stuff about UUs becoming identitarian and that insisting on particular behavior from UUs borders on a creed (Unitarian Universalism is a non-creedal religion).
Understandably, a lot of trans/nonbinary UUs had a hard time with anti-trans bias getting a platform in this way. And I want to affirm that hearing this sort of stuff sucks, particularly in the context of our explicitly trans-affirming religion. It’s really painful.
What I don’t want is for my cis UU comrades to get the impression that what was said from the con mic was uniquely awful. It wasn’t. It was literally the bare minimum that many of us (certainly any of us who are active in trans advocacy on any level) have come to expect to encounter, daily, in every single aspect of our lives—including in church. (Mind you, that doesn’t make it acceptable. But we need to be clear.)
I also don’t want any of my non-UU comrades to think there’s any debate within UUism about trans folks. There isn’t. My heart goes out to all of my queer and trans beloveds whose faith traditions actively debate your worthiness, your real-ness, your belonging. Unitarian Universalism is not only consistently clear on its truly radical affirmation of us, but the denomination is filing amicus briefs in opposition to anti-trans laws, organizing to support trans folks’ medical care and relocations across state lines, and more.
And.
What made the business resolution discussion painful for trans UUs is the fact that this shit is so ubiquitous, even here, where it shouldn’t be. I need you to understand how exhausting it is that for every thirty fabulous, all-in, trans-affirming UUs there is one or two who grumps about pronouns, or doesn’t want gender-neutral bathrooms at church, or has been taken in by right-wing anti-trans propaganda without even realizing that’s what it is.
And that means that every Sunday we have to brace ourselves for encountering someone at church who calls us by the wrong pronoun or name, or makes an ignorant or insensitive comment, or worse. And most of the time we also have to brace ourselves for everyone else looking the other way, brushing it off, not taking it seriously.
The consistently hard thing for us queer and trans UUs is being part of a religion that so vehemently identifies as pro-LGBTQ but has so consistently struggled, for so long, to actually ensure that trans and queer people don’t have crummy experiences in UU spaces. Marching in Pride is great, but if no one ever intervenes or interrupts casual racism, classism, ableism, sizeism, or hetero/cis/sexism at church, that says everything about what and who is most important to a church community.
Yes, this happens in your UU congregation too. Our movement has been hemorrhaging our young adults for decades because of this stuff. We attract scores and scores of folks who are queer, trans, people of color, disabled, neurodivergent, immigrants, and all sorts of other marginalized identities due to our awesome social justice work, and then when they attend church they experience the gap between our welcoming words and the actual actions of UUs in real time, and they leave, not only disappointed but hurt.
What makes it painful for trans UUs is the very reason this business resolution was proposed: a not-insignificant portion of the U.S. political machine is trying to kill us, to eradicate transness. More than six hundred anti-trans bills have been proposed in forty-three U.S. states so far this year. Fully half of U.S. states have banned life-saving best-practice medical care for trans youth.
In this moment, saying you’re LGBTQ-affirming without taking responsibility for ensuring that trans attendees experience affirmation and safety in your space is worse than not saying you are LGBTQ-affirming. It makes you complicit in the harm that trans people are slogging through in our daily lives and looking for an escape from.
If a church isn’t LGBTQ-affirming, we go in cautiously, armored-up, not expecting anything different. When someone then says something hateful toward us, it sucks, but we aren’t surprised. But if a church is flying a rainbow flag, we might go in hopeful. We see LGBTQ posters and maybe even some pronoun stickers on people’s name badges and we get excited. From the pulpit, the standard welcome includes welcoming people of all gender identities, and we let go of the last of our armor and become fully open-hearted.
And then. Then after service someone says something crummy. Not hateful. Just an everyday sort of ignorance. Maybe it’s about grammar, of all things. Maybe it’s a false assumption about who we are or why we’re here. Maybe we overhear someone expressing a “concern” about all this trans stuff, or about bathrooms, or about trans women athletes, and no one speaks up to counter it.
And in our hopeful excited open-heartedness we are crushed. It hurts so much more than the hate that we expect from anti-trans actors. Because it was supposed to be different here. Because you told us it would be different here. Because of how much we needed it to be different here, right now.
Do you understand? Do you understand why people need to stop holding out a yardstick that simply measures their church against the one down the street, the one in which trans people are not affirmed, and patting themselves on the back because of it? Do you understand that the yardstick we actually need is one that measures the gap between our words and our actions? Between how we think of ourselves and the actual experiences people have in our spaces?
Our theology demands this. It demands that we stop inviting people in only to hurt them.
That’s what the hubbub was really about last weekend. There is no debate about whether trans people are beloved, or real, or worthy, or divine. There is no debate about whether Unitarian Universalism calls its adherents to advocate for justice for trans, nonbinary, intersex, and gender diverse people and create spaces of safety and resilience for us. The only uncertainty is whether UUs will actually live out these values and commitments in a way that matches the needs of this moment.
So thank you to those who expressed your love and support to trans UUs, and all trans people, last weekend and beyond. I have faith that it means you know that it’s not specifically about what was said at the con mic last Friday but rather the ubiquity of anti-trans sentiments, both overt and subtle, that are causing a crushing level of exhaustion for trans folks. And I have faith that it means that you’re using the right yardstick and are taking action to close that gap in Unitarian Universalism in all the ways you can.
To my beloveds who are trans, nonbinary, Two Spirit, agender, gender fluid, gender fabulous, demigender, gender nonconforming, not-quite-sure-I’m-cis, intersex, and/or any number of other permutations of the glorious gender galaxy beyond the realm of the normative gender binary, regardless of your religious or spiritual orbit: Know that we are going to win, y’all. They can try to stop us, but it won’t work. Do whatever you possibly can to be your whole glorious self and know that you are whole, holy, and perfectly made.
Love,
Alex
p.s. Please check out more incredible artwork by Rae Senarighi, @transpainter—the wonderful banners, flags, posters, stickers, and other fabulous items in his online store are perfect for showing your affirmation and love for the trans and queer folks in your life and in your congregation.
roots grow the tree 